Janet Baker sent me this file.



Goodies





    Over the massive front doors of a church, these words 
were   inscribed: "The  Gate of  Heaven." 

Below that was a small cardboard sign which read:
"Please use other  entrance."
 ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
  
  Rev. Warren J. Keating, Pastor of the First Presbyterian
Church of Yuma, AZ, says that the best prayer he ever heard was:
 "Lord, please make me  the kind of person my dog thinks I am."
   ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ 
    
 A woman went to the post office to buy stamps for her
Christmas cards.
    "What  denomination?" asked the postal clerk.
"Oh, good heavens!  Has it come to this?" said the woman.
 "Well, give me 50 Baptist and 50  Catholic ones."
    ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ 
 
  A student was asked to list the 10 Commandments in any
order. His answer:
    3,   6, 1, 8, 4, 5, 9, 2, 10, 7.
    ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ 
  
   I was at the beach with my children when my four-year-old
son ran up to me, grabbed my hand, and led me to the shore, 
where a sea gull lay dead in the  sand. 
"Mommy, what happened to him?" my son asked. 
"He died and went to heaven," I replied. My son thought a 
moment and then said,
"And God threw him back down?"
 ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ 
  After the church service a little boy told the pastor, "When
I grow up, I'm  going to give you some money." 
"Well, thank you," the pastor replied,  "butwhy?" "Because 
my daddy says you're one of the poorest preachers
  we've ever   had."
 ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ 
   "My wife invited some people to dinner. At the table, she
turned to our six  year old  daughter and said, "Would you like to say the
blessing?" 
"I wouldn't know  what to say," the girl replied.
 "Just say what you hear Mommy  say," my wife answered. 
Our daughter bowed her head and said, "Lord, why on
earth did I invite all these people to dinner?"