Take it with a grain of salt, of course-  I'm quit sure it's

exaggerated........



 How to know whether you're 

ready to have a baby:





 1) MESS TEST:



 Smear peanut butter on the sofa and curtains.  Now rub your hands in

 the wet flower bed and rub on the walls.  Cover the stains with

 crayons. Place a rancid fish stick behind the couch and leave it

 there all summer.



 Obtain a 55-gallon box of Legos.  (If Legos are not available you may

 substitute roofing tacks or broken bottles.)  Have a friend spread

 the Legos all over the house.  Put on a blindfold.  Try to walk to

 the bathroom or kitchen.



 Do not scream (this could wake a child at night).



 2) GROCERY STORE TEST:



 Borrow one or two small animals (goats are best) and take them with

 you as you shop at the grocery store.  Always keep them in sight and

 pay for anything they eat or damage.



 3) DRESSING TEST:



 Obtain one large, unhappy, live octopus.  Stuff into a small net bag

 making sure that all arms stay inside.



 4) FEEDING TEST:



 Obtain a large plastic milk jug.  Fill halfway with water.  Suspend

 from the ceiling with a stout cord.  Start the jug swinging.  Try to

 insert spoonfuls of soggy cereal (such as Fruit Loops or Cheerios)

 into the mouth of the jug while pretending to be an airplane.  Now

 dump the contents of the jug on the floor.



 5) NIGHT TEST:



 Prepare by obtaining a small cloth bag and fill with 8 - 12 lbs of

 sand. Soak thoroughly in water.  At 8:00pm begin to waltz and hum

 with the bag until 9:00pm.  Lay down your bag and set your alarm for

 10:00pm.  Get up, pick up your bag and sing every song you have ever

 heard.  Make up about a dozen more and sing these too until 4:00am.

 Set alarm for 5:00am. Get up and make breakfast.  Keep this up for 5

 years.  Look cheerful.



 6) PHYSICAL TEST (Woman):



 Obtain a large bean-bag-chair type cushion and attach to the front of

 your clothes.  Leave there for 9 months.  Now remove 10% of the

 beans.



 7) PHYSICAL TEST (Man):



 Go to the nearest drug store.  Set your wallet on the counter.  Ask

 the clerk to help himself.  Now proceed to the nearest food store.

 Go to the head office and arrange for your paycheck to be directly

 deposited to the store.  Purchase a newspaper.  Go home and read it

 quietly for the last time.



 8) FINAL ASSIGNMENT:



  Find a couple who already have a small child.  Lecture them on how

 they can improve their discipline, patience, tolerance, toilet

 training and child's table manners.  Suggest many ways they can

 improve.  Emphasize to them that they should never allow their

 children to run riot.  Enjoy this experience.

 This will be the last time you will have all the answers.