This file came from Janet Baker .
The Titanic, on her maiden voyage, just set sail from the shores of England. It was the most magnificent ship ever built, and everybody is very excited. No expense has been spared - the vast dining rooms, casinos, hundreds of neatly groomed waiters and polite service staff, string quartets, the works.
Every night at the bar, they had this magician come on and perform the most wonderfully amazing tricks of conjury the world had ever seen.
It's the first night of the voyage, and everyone is eager to see this great man at work, except there was one slight problem. There was this parrot, who'd sit on the bar top by the peanuts, and ruin each trick as the magician performed them. Each time, the parrot would sit quietly until the trick was almost completed, and say things like, "Squark! It's up his sleeve!" or "Sqeeek! He's hidden it in the hat!" etc., and ruin the trick for the magician.
Every time, the parrot would do this, and the magician would get madder and madder as the night wore on. The same happened on the next night, and the one after that. The magician would shake with fury at this silly parrot ruining his world famous show. He spent his days devising even better and more stupendously amazing tricks in an effort to fool this bloody parrot.
One night, the magician is about to perform his greatest trick of the voyage. The lights are dimmed, a hushed silence sweeps across the bar floor, a drum roll builds up to a mighty crescendo as the magician performs his final piece de resistance....and suddenly the ship hits an iceberg and sinks...
For three days, the magician manages to cling to a door floating around in the wreckage, starving, thirsty. On the third day, he notices at the other end of the door, the parrot, sitting calmly and quietly, staring back at him. For three more days the magician just glowers at him, not saying a word - bitter, hushed, resentful, silence.
...Until one day, the parrot can't contain himself any longer and squarks, * "Alright! I give up! What have you done with the ship?!"