- While ears need to be cleaned regularly,
this is a job that should be done in private using one's OWN
- Proper use of toiletries can forestall
bathing for several days. However, if you live alone,
deodorant is a waste of good money.
- Dirt and grease under the fingernails is
a social no-no, as they tend to detract from a woman's
jewelry and alter the tastes of finger foods.
- When decanting wine, make sure that you
tilt the paper cup, and pour slowly so as not to "bruise" the
fruit of the vine.
- If drinking directly from the bottle, always hold it with
your fingers covering the label.
ENTERTAINING IN YOUR HOME
- A centerpiece for the table should never
be anything prepared by a taxidermist.
- Do not allow the dog to eat at the table...no matter how good
his manners are.
DATING (Outside the Family)
- Always offer to bait your date's hook, especially on the
first date. Be aggressive. Let her know you are
interested: "I've been awantin' to go out with you since I read
that stuff on the men's bathroom wall two years ago."
- Establish with her parents what time she
is expected back.
Some will say 10:00 PM; Others might say
"Monday." If the latter is the answer, it is the man's
responsibility to get her to school on time.
- Crying babies should be taken to the lobby and picked up
immediately after the movie has ended.
- Refrain from talking to characters on the
screen. Tests have proven they can't hear you.
- Livestock, usually, is a poor choice for a wedding gift.
- Kissing the bride for more than 5 seconds may get you shot.
- For the groom, at least, rent a tux. A leisure suit with a
cummerbund and a clean bowling shirt can create a tacky
- Though uncomfortable, say "yes" to socks
and shoes for this special occasion.
- Dim your headlights for approaching
vehicles; Even if the gun is loaded, and the deer is in sight.
- When approaching a four-way stop, the
vehicle with the largest tires always has the right of way.
- Never tow another car using pantyhose and
- When sending your wife down the road with
a gas can, it is impolite to ask her to bring back beer.
- Never relieve yourself from a moving
vehicle, especially when driving.
- Do not lay rubber while traveling in a
TIPS FOR ALL OCCASIONS
- Never take a beer to a job interview.
- Always identify people in your yard before
shooting at them.
- It's considered tacky to take a cooler to church.
- If you have to vacuum the bed, it is time
to change the sheets.
- Even if you're certain that you are
included in the will, it is still considered tacky to drive a
U-Haul to the funeral home