Your house still has the
"WIDE LOAD"sign on the back.
Last year you hid Easter eggs
under cow pies.
You've been married three times
and still have the same in-laws.
You think a woman who is
"out of your league"
bowls on a different night.
You stare at an orange juice container
because it says, "CONCENTRATE".
YOUR IDEA OF HIGH QUALITY ENTERTAINMENT
IS A SIX PACK AND A BUG ZAPPER.
Your whole family is Democrats
except little Mary. She got to readin.
Your brother-in-law is your uncle
AND your grandfather.
Taking your wife on a cruise
means circling the Dairy Queen.
You believe dual air bags refer
to your wife and mother-in-law.
You think the OJ Trial is a
Sunkist and Minutemaid taste test.
You were acquitted for murdering
your first wife after she threw
out your Elvis 45's.
You no longer drink wine ever since
the screw cap got caught up your nose.
You think that Dom Perignon is a mafia leader.
You prominently display a gift
you bought at Graceland.
That billboard that says,
"SAY NO TO CRACK"
reminds you to pull up your jeans
Your wife's hairdo was once ruined
by a ceiling fan.
You go to your family reunion
looking for a date.
You've got more than three cousins
YOU'VE EVER COME HOME AND FOUND CRIME SCENE TAPE
ACROSS YOUR FRONT PORCH.
You think the last words to
The Star Spangled Banner are
"Gentlemen, start your engines."
Your child's first words were
"Attention K-Mart shoppers!"
You carried a fishing pole into Sea World.
You lit a match in the bathroom and your house
exploded right off it's wheels.
Your huntin dawg had a litter of puppies in the living
room and nobody noticed.
You thought that Arkansas rest stop
was the nicest destination resort ever.
You think safe sex is a padded headboard.
You think subdivision is part of a math problem.
You can get dog hair from your belly button.
You have a bumper sticker that says,
"MY MOTHER'S AN HONOR STUDENT
AT SOUTH LITTLE ROCK JR. HIGH."
You take a six pack cooler to church.
Your family tree has no forks.
You have refused to watch the Academy Awards since
"Smokey and the Bandit" was snubbed for best picture.
The Halloween pumpkin on your front porch
has more teeth than your wife.
You had to remove a toothpick
for your wedding pictures.
You use a weedeater in your living room.
You consider your license plate personalized because
your dad made it in prison.
You have a rag for a gas cap.
The blue book value of your truck goes up and down
depending on how much gas it has in it.
Fifth grade was the best six years of your life.
You have to go outside to get something out of the 'fridge.
A seven course meal is a bucket of KFC and a sixpack.
One of your kids was born on a pool table.
You have spray painted your girlfriend's name on an overpass.
Your lifetime goal is to own a fireworks stand.
You have lost at least one tooth opening a beer bottle.
Jack Daniels makes your list
of "Most Admired People".
Your dog can't watch you eat
without getting sick.
You think that beef jerky and Moon Pies
are two of the major food groups.
Your dad walks you to school because
you are both in the same grade.
Mail pouch sends you Christmas cards.
Your house doesn't have curtains,
but your truck does.
You need one more hole punched in your card to get a
freebie at the House of Tattoos.
You have flowers planted in a bathroom fixture in your
On your first date you had to ask your
Dad to borrow the keys to the tractor.
You think the Mountain Men in Deliverance were just
If you refer to the fifth grade
as, "your senior year".
Three quarters of the clothes you
own have LOGOS on them.
Your `huntin dawg' cost more than the truck you drive
him around in.
Your belt buckle weighs more than three pounds.
You've been to a funeral and there were more pick-ups
You just bought an 8 track
player to put in your truck.
You've ever climbed a water tower
with a bucket of paint
to defend your sister's honor.
It's easier to spray weed killer
on your lawn than mow it.
You think the three primary colors are
John Deere Green, Ford Blue, and
Your pickup has a two tone paint job
-- primer red and primer gray.
Ya can't get married to yer sweetheart cause there is
a law against it.
You've been on TV more than 5 times
describing the sound of a tornado.
The beer can collection in the town museum is the big
You dated your daddy's current wife in high school.
Your aunt and your grandmother went to the funeral and
had a fight over who gets to be the widow.
You can tell your age by the
number of rings in the bathtub.
You can change the oil in your truck
without ducking your head.
During your senior year you and your mother had
You're a lite beer drinker 'cause you start drinkin
beer when it gets light.
You think the stock market has fence around it.
Your stereo speakers used to belong
to the Moonlight Drive-in Theater.
You own a homemade fur coat.
Your entire family has ever sat around
waiting for a call from the Governor
to spare a loved one.
Your wife has ever said,
"Come move this transmission
so I can take a bath."
YOU REFER TO THE TIME YOU WON
A FREE CASE OF MOTOR OIL AS
"THE DAY MY SHIP CAME IN."
Your wife's job requires her to wear an orange vest.
You have the local taxidermist's
number on speed dial.
On Thanksgiving Day you have to decide which pet to
Your school fight song is "Dueling Banjos".
You think "taking out the trash"
means taking your in-laws to a movie.
Your coffee table used to be a cable spool.
You got Clapper devices controlling the appliances in
You hammer bottle caps into the
frame of your front door to make it look nice.
The Home Shopping operator recognizes your voice.
The taillight covers of your car
are made of red tape.
You have every episode of Hee-Haw on tape.
You've ever been involved in a
custody fight over a hunting dog.
Your kids take a siphon hose
to "Show and Tell."
Your father executes the "pull my finger" trick during
You think a hot tub is
a stolen bathroom fixture.
The gas pedal on your car is shaped like a bare foot.
You think a turtleneck is
a key ingredient for soup.
You think the French Riviera is a foreign car.
Your toilet paper has page numbers on it.
You've ever had to scratch your sisters
name out of a message that begins,
"For a good time time call..."
All of your four letter words are two syllables.
You wonder how service stations
keep their rest rooms so clean.
Your honeymoon was in Little Rock.
You do your serious Christmas shopping at a truck
Anyone in your family died right
after saying, "Hey, y'all watch this!".
You think God looks a lot like Hank Williams, Jr., and
heaven looks a
lot like Daytona Beach, Florida
The FBI surrounded your trailer park
twice so far this year.
You have the word "howdy"
in your answering machine message.
You wish your outhouse was as nice
as those at the state park.
You've painted a car with house paint.
You're banned from the Little Rock Zoo because you
disturb the monkeys.
You ever named a child after a dog.
You think a stock tip is advice on worming' your hogs.
You have more belt buckles than pants.
You removed the back seat from your car
so all yer kids could fit in.
You think taking a bubble bath starts
with eating beans for dinner.