MICROSOFT STRIKES BACK
This just in from our nation's capitol. In a startling development,
unheard of in modern political or business history, Microsoft Corporation and its
founder Bill Gates have come out swinging. Rather than testify before
Congress anymore about the Justice Department charge that Microsoft is
monopolizing the Internet Browser market, Gates today made the following
"Today, Microsoft is delivering a check to the Justice Department
for $365 million. This represents the first year of the $1 million
per day fines it has threatened to impose on our company. This will get
the bullies off our backs for a year so we can concentrate on
satisfying our customers.
"Every Microsoft product sold during
this next year will contain a
warning label telling buyers how much of the price is a result of
government meddling in the economy.
"Also, today, I'm writing a personal check for $365 million payable
to any individual or group who can defeat those senators and
representatives claiming that Microsoft is a monopoly. Any
politician who so grossly misunderstands (or doesn't want
to understand) how capitalism works should not be in office."
The impact of Mr. Gates' statement will have long-range repercussions
town not used to it's victims fighting back in such a brazen way.
Reaction is pouring in from the stables of statism "How dare Microsoft
so brazen as to think it can pay us off to leave it free to serve its
customers," shrieked a shaken Janet Reno. "Doesn't it know that making
things too easyfor consumers is anti-competitive? Make things too good,
and one company just might rule the commercial world for ever and
ever" she sputtered.
"This can't be," warbled the Luddite Ralph Nader. "How dare Gates
money to better the lives of the American people!" "That's my job", he
Politicians on the hill were strangely silent upon hearing the news.
Their only visible reaction seemed to be the mad punching
of touch tone phone keys, trying to reach someone -
anyone - who could donate $365 million to their
reelection campaigns to offset the Gates challenge.
All major news networks are scrambling to figure out why someone so
and powerful would poke a sharp stick in the ossified eye of government.
Doesn't Gates understand how the game is played, they mused? Rich people are
supposed to use their millions to buy protection from government, not challenge its
authority. Only John Stossel and Brit Hume could be seen slightly
smiling, as their colleagues scratched their collective heads.
Minutes after the Gates announcement, the Internet came alive with
discussion and debate. Could it be that Gates finally understood how capitalism
Did he finally realize that government was never productive, and always
fed off those who were? Would he really follow through with his political
challenge? Had the question "Who is John Galt?" finally been answered?
Remember this April 1st. Fools will miss it's implications.
The rest us
of understand all too well. We yearn for someone like Bill Gates to make our
April Fools joke real. We yearn for the reintroduction of reason. Bill,
are you listening?